long, productive day

today we were on staff retreat and talked about personality types and working to leverage our strengths and compensate for our pitfalls. i seem to be an 'infp', or in layman's terms, an introvert-intuition-feeling-perceiving type. this was both a very helpful and challenging realization, because it made me acknowledge that factual data and structure are often elusive for me, and i struggle to accept that others can see such information as important.

we did role-playing to challenge ourselves to play to a personality type that we were weakest in, so i had to do a mock high school visit to a group of 'st's, or sensor-thinker types who want facts, numbers and logic. it was like wearing an old man's shoe: awkward, and ill-fitting.

but moments of discomfort are moments where we grow, so i plan to keep on putting on an old man's shoe until it feels like a lilac silk prada kitten heel.

increasing yield

no, i'm not talking about admissions efforts on enrolling a larger class. i'm talking about gaining readership to this blog.

that's right: i have one more friend who has promised to read this blog, and thanks to him, i now have three people who swear that they read this blog.

that is, as my friend reminds me, increasing readership by 33%. success!

smile

tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. and that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with god and with eternity.

–the alchemist

(ek-onkar satnam)

more strange dreams...

...but i can't tell you what they were. partially because they evoked emotions that are difficult to articulate, and partially because they're too faded now to tangibly recall. that's the trouble with dreams; sometimes they're so vivid that you remember them from the time you were three years old.

and sometimes you can't remember them at all; but they leave you with a feeling that won't go away.

good times!

chris is coming over this weekend! :)
goal for good times together=go see the new indiana jones movie!

pensivity

charming in the dawn
there, the half-withdrawn
drenched, mysterious sun appears
in the curdled skies,
treacherous as your eyes
shining from behind their tears.

.....

all should speak a part
to the homesick heart
in its own dear native tongue.

brr

today is rather unpleasant.

what do you think?

should we allow henry purcell to be called one of the greatest poets of his age?

if music be the food of love,
sing on till i am fill'd with joy;
for then my list'ning soul you move
with pleasures that can never cloy,
your eyes, your mien, your tongue declare
that you are music everywhere.

pleasures invade both eye and ear,
so fierce the transports are, they wound,
and all my senses feasted are,
tho' yet the treat is only sound.
sure i must perish by your charms
unless you save in your arms.

metaphysical poets=amazing

i am in love

with this:
i know; the desk and chair can't love me back. but at least they also can't break my heart.

and they're handcrafted!

plan b:

piracy.

whoa

have you ever been in a large group of people, and are chatty-chatty, and everything is going swimmingly, and then all of a sudden you completely zone out, the crowd rushes away from you and you find yourself, at once a part of and separate from others, standing in a sea of white noise?

and you think, what am i doing here?

and you're not necessarily unhappy, but you feel as if there is a time to be social, and time to be alone, and at this moment something has triggered your instinct for introversion.

reflection:
noitcelfer.

relief

this week has been too emotional.

weekend?

this week has felt excessively long.

strange dreams

i normally have weird dreams, so i'm usually not really shocked when a real winner presents itself in my hours of somnolence.

last night i dreamed that i had gotten a new roommate, which i was actually contemplating in waking life, so that wasn't so weird. we were in a high school gym, however, for some reason, and discussing which spaces were his to use, even though i don't live in a high school gym.

then the dream changed and i was at an amusement park getting ready to ride a brand-new roller coaster. i have roller coaster dreams pretty often, and usually the roller coaster is out of control. in this case, it was a coaster created with magnets so that you sat in a car suspended from the track that stuck to it by magnetic force; there were gaps in the track so that part of the thrill of the ride was that as you sped along, the car disconnected from the track and 'jumped' the gap, supposedly to successfully reattach itself to the next bit of track based on the pure attractive force of the magnets in the track and in the car.

i was somewhat disconcerted but as usually happens in these dreams, everyone told me to not be so apprehensive and to appreciate the innovation of the latest in roller coaster technology. as usual, i was persuaded to ride it even though my personal feelings were against it.

i don't remember if we crashed; i think the dream changed at that point to something else...i was talking suddenly with the mother of a guy on whom i had a crush and she was saying to me how she would put up posters of him because he seemed to be missing.

this just goes to show that dreams really are completely incomprehensible sometimes.

great expectations

i had no idea that buying appliances could consist of so much confusion and stress. i guess this is ignorant, but i kind of assumed that to acquire a washing machine and dryer, you simply bought a washing machine and dryer, and then it was hooked up for you. this is what lowe's promised in its commercials of charmingly befuddled actors who come into the store with a major home project that, upon asking a sales representative, they find–to their delight–that it's never been easier and cheaper to make vast improvements to your home thanks to the lowe's customer promise.

so i went to lowe's home improvement warehouse (TM) today to buy a washing machine and dryer and ended up with no washing machine, no dryer, and a new outdoor table and chair set. it was not meant to be this way.

the cheerful green table and chair set appeared before me almost as soon as i walked into the store. of course, this was cleverly done so that i would instantly be attracted to go and inspect, which of course i did. a little sign hung from it that proudly proclaimed "great deal!" initially i scoffed but when i grabbed the price tag hanging next to it and read $70.00, i realized that lowe's was not playing around, as one should not play around when lawn furniture is involved. there was only one box left of the set, so a guy moving the handcarts around had it brought to the check-out for me where i could pick it up later.

my journey finally brought me to the appliances section. i was met by a man who had clearly not found job satisfaction by joining the lowe's "team." for my part, i could have been a happier customer, but my one criteria, when asked what i was looking for in my purchase, being "cheap," i don't think i met his hopes for a customer to whom he could sell the highest end machines.

anyway, our exchange ended poorly after it seemed that the free home delivery and installation were only on machines of at least $400.00 each, and only if i installed an electric dryer. did i have an electric dryer or a gas dryer? i had no idea; i told the sales rep i would ask my landlord. i left the store to call my landlord and couldn't reach him. then i called my neighbors and asked what they had. "gas," the said. ok.

i went back in the store and over to the sales rep. "gas" i said. he nodded. "propane or natural gas?" he asked. i blinked at this new detail. i began to suspect that this was going to comprise of a lot more complexities than i had previously forseen.

"ok; so i can't get the free installation on a gas dryer?" said i. "no," he replied, with absolutely no will to live. "so," i concluded "i only get free installation and hook up if i buy a machine that i can't use?"

the sales rep paused, unsure exactly of how to answer "yes."

"yes," he said. i nodded gravely. "so, it would be better for me to buy this cheaper model that i can use and pay your delivery charge than to pay for the higher end model that i will still be charged for?"

he seemed unsure again of how to agree that that was the case. i asked him to write down the model number of the cheapest washer/dryer set and thanked him and walked back towards the check-out, where my lovely table and chair set waited for me to decide its fate. at that point, i was discouraged from spending any sort of money at all, but i decided to get it after all, and spent the afternoon putting it all together.

i'm happy to say that i love it and it was quite a redeeming end to my otherwise frustrating day. here is a picture i took with my camera phone, so it's not spectacular, but it gives you an idea of my new little outdoor area to relax and enjoy the sun. i plan on getting a firepit as well.

earth=love

unfulfilled cheese longing

sometimes i say things that clearly separate me from other human beings in terms of weirdness.

today i went to giant to get some groceries and hoped, once again, that they would stock the various kinds of cheeses that i love. now, i have said in the past that giant has recently opened up their selection to a multitude of cheeses, and i admire that, but they nonetheless still do not carry buffalo mozzarella.

i know what you're thinking, because clearly the two people in giant whom i asked about this had the same reaction.

first i asked a girl at the deli counter, since the cheese kiosk is somewhat nearby. i didn't bother to ask specifically for buffalo mozzarella; i just asked if i could order something to the store that wasn't normally stocked. this seemed to be too much for her and all she could manage was to smile at me wanly and tell me that the deli manager would be back tomorrow.

i thanked her and moved on to the checkout line. i knew that i shouldn't have asked the woman who rang up my groceries, but through some perversity of human nature in which all i could contemplate was the sheer deliciousness of buffalo mozzarella, i brought up my question again to the cashier. she had basically the same response, but then she asked "well, what is it you want?"

i paused. "buffalo mozzarella."

as her stare deepened, her mouth dropped open slightly in some seeming combination of confusion and disbelief. i tried to explain, "original mozzarella is made from buffalo milk, but since everything is homogenized now, you always find it made with cow's milk."

she continued to stare at me. "you get it from a buffalo?"

"yes," i confirmed, and added helpfully "costco sells it so i didn't think it was too obscure."

apparently an unhelpful addendum, her continued perplexed staring made me too embarrassed to look at my neighbors in line for guidance. they probably thought i was crazy too. surely someone must know of buffalo mozzarella!

striking a novel thought, i offered "if you go to italy, that's how they'll make it. with a buffalo."

this proved equally counterproductive. as i got into my car and pulled out of the giant parking lot, all i could think of was the sweet, salty flavor of melted buffalo mozzarella on homemade pizza, and my heart ached.

great band names to consider:

•busted cheese
•pants on my head
•butt of fruit
•tripe sponsor
•peanut butter & jelly controversy
•dental revelation


other submissions are welcome.

virginia is for lovers

i can't believe it's may 1st already. a year ago today i was a senior, wondering what was going to happen to my life. well, i still wonder that quite frequently, actually, but my how time does fly.

i came down on monday to virginia and d.c. to do college fairs, and i'd forgotten how beautiful virginia is. and parts of d.c. for that matter. but more on virginia: it really is for lovers. i was discussing this with my sister; we were trying to pinpoint why, exactly, virginians seem immeasurably more laid back, happy and optimistic than your average new york city metropolitan area-dweller. is it the richer soil? the temperate winters? the abundance of waffle houses?

no matter which road you take from the north, at any point in which you cross from a non-virginia state into terra firma herself, everything becomes instantly more beautiful. this is not an exaggeration; i won't deny that i do exaggerate, but this is totally true. somehow, in an almost distinguishable line across the mason-dixon, to the south you can see lusher trees, greener grass, cleaner roadways, and lovely and vivid wildflowers that refuse to grow further up the road. and the drivers: careful, considerate, they let you pass in front of them without giving you the finger. can't we all learn a lesson from virginia?

when i was visiting high schools in the fall, i noticed that at almost every school i saw, students held the same view that they didn't want to leave virginia for college; i was annoyed at the time, since gettysburg is only 90 minutes away. but i'm beginning to understand, as i could only vaguely grasp then and on my numerous family vacations to colonial williamsburg, that if i lived in virginia, i might not want to leave either.

luckily gettysburg has a lot of lovely qualities that i admire in virginia, but virginia has it in the whole state. their state motto should be "you want to hug people when you come here."