i am sick of this illness that has taken me. i don't know if it's a cold, or the flu, or what, but it needs to start telling its story walkin'.
but i am too cheap to pay for another visit to the doctor and for an antibiotic...i'm going to finish this thing off the old-fashioned way: whiskey.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
esurient
esurient.
no, i cannot tell you what it means, because i refuse to flip the flash card over and look. and yet, i'm supposed to have that word memorized as part of my gre studying efforts. still the first few official days of my vacation have been going pretty well--i cleaned the house, changed the cat litter (always an activity i put off until the bitter end), had the refrigerator fixed (again...long story), and now am going to buy stamps to mail some letters to friends. and then more studying for the gre.
i tried on my bridesmaid dress again last night, as kristen is visiting and she wanted to see me in it. i was pleased that it fit me better than before; i seem to be slightly curvier than i was in march when i first tried it. unfortunately, larger boobs also means more arm fat, so my goal is to lift weights until the ratio of arm-to-boob fat is where i want it to be.
now back to studying!
no, i cannot tell you what it means, because i refuse to flip the flash card over and look. and yet, i'm supposed to have that word memorized as part of my gre studying efforts. still the first few official days of my vacation have been going pretty well--i cleaned the house, changed the cat litter (always an activity i put off until the bitter end), had the refrigerator fixed (again...long story), and now am going to buy stamps to mail some letters to friends. and then more studying for the gre.
i tried on my bridesmaid dress again last night, as kristen is visiting and she wanted to see me in it. i was pleased that it fit me better than before; i seem to be slightly curvier than i was in march when i first tried it. unfortunately, larger boobs also means more arm fat, so my goal is to lift weights until the ratio of arm-to-boob fat is where i want it to be.
now back to studying!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
the road less (or more?) taken
do you ever get the feeling that you're standing at a crossroad with many paths radiating away from you? and sometimes each way is distinct and descrete from the others, and other times each seems to meld into others until they become confusingly indistinguishable.
what program should i apply to in graduate school? english phd? masters in education? or stay in admissions and continue the extensive growth i've seen in myself this past year? i feel caught between choices, and am wondering if one of them isn't really a choice that covers all paths...
blech. i need vacation.
Monday, June 15, 2009
a bit of blogging philosophy
what is the worth of blogs? i mainly created this as a way for friends to keep up with my...relatively?...diverting life, but it occurs to me (ok, not for the first time) that most of what is written here is interesting to no one save myself. so is that the case for most blogs, or are my personal accounts just not that exciting? are blogs really about getting your thoughts out there for friends and the world at large to respond to, or more about the pleasure of seeing your thoughts in (digital) print? blogging is odd when you consider it in that form, then–egotistical and yet not guaranteed to reach an actual audience.
and yet, does the author always want an audience? of course they must–or else, why create the archive? sorry. i still remember reading derrida for english critical methods class.
on an even more random note, i also keep coming back to the dream i had so many years ago. it's not that i keep having that dream necessarily; but the intense happiness, the freedom of driving my own destiny–the images always seem to be at the fringes of consciousness, sneaking back in when my thoughts start to wander.
and yet, does the author always want an audience? of course they must–or else, why create the archive? sorry. i still remember reading derrida for english critical methods class.
on an even more random note, i also keep coming back to the dream i had so many years ago. it's not that i keep having that dream necessarily; but the intense happiness, the freedom of driving my own destiny–the images always seem to be at the fringes of consciousness, sneaking back in when my thoughts start to wander.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
gender in higher education
someone on facebook just posted this and it's fascinating: http://www.insidehighered.com/news/2009/05/22/men
here is a great quote in response to the article:
"This is an interesting piece and some of the responses are fascinating, and troubling, as well. To "Guilty": what institution has mandatory women's studies courses? And, to Kate: who is the "they" and who is the "we"? Initially, I read your response along gendered lines; that is, the "they" are male students while the "we" are female students. However, I, then, saw several references to race and nationality; is the "they" students of color, or those students with non-European heritage?
"In interacting with my male students, I definitely note a sense of loss. The lower-income white men with whom I come into contact are angry--not at any one group; rather, they astutely recognize the changing economic order, and many of them note that with this decline, so goes their guaranteed affluence. The majority of these men do not see other groups being privileged over them; instead, they perceive that living the so-called American Dream--a fantasy that was closer to reality for white men above all others--is not automatic. I live in a part of the country with a low cost of living; thus, many of my lower-income students come from economically stable backgrounds. These young men see that their parents did not have to go to college in order to live a life with lots of stuff; as such, they are frustrated that now, if they want stuff, they must go to college. Many of them do not see the cause-effect relationship of intellectual strength and prosperity; rather, higher education and stuff are intangibly related to material wealth. (This lack of recognition seems to be inherent in the majority of 18-year olds, no?) Many of my young male students also suffer loss because they realize that their prior successes in HS, which were, most often, athletic in nature, mean nothing in the world of higher education. They go from being celebrated and recognized in the small world of their high schools, to being just another body in a classroom whom no one knows.
"What I find particularly sad is that the majority of these young men do not realize that they can regain their power and autonomy by investing in themselves intellectually. (However, as any CC prof can affirm, the majority of our 18 and 19 year old students do not understand this.) To see "political correctness" (read: inclusiveness) as the cause of this identity loss in male is nonsense; rather, the changing economy, dependant as it is on the highly technical knowledge that requires at least a four-year degree, is a primary cause for identity loss among many young men, as it is the cause of distress for many Americans in general."
here is a great quote in response to the article:
"This is an interesting piece and some of the responses are fascinating, and troubling, as well. To "Guilty": what institution has mandatory women's studies courses? And, to Kate: who is the "they" and who is the "we"? Initially, I read your response along gendered lines; that is, the "they" are male students while the "we" are female students. However, I, then, saw several references to race and nationality; is the "they" students of color, or those students with non-European heritage?
"In interacting with my male students, I definitely note a sense of loss. The lower-income white men with whom I come into contact are angry--not at any one group; rather, they astutely recognize the changing economic order, and many of them note that with this decline, so goes their guaranteed affluence. The majority of these men do not see other groups being privileged over them; instead, they perceive that living the so-called American Dream--a fantasy that was closer to reality for white men above all others--is not automatic. I live in a part of the country with a low cost of living; thus, many of my lower-income students come from economically stable backgrounds. These young men see that their parents did not have to go to college in order to live a life with lots of stuff; as such, they are frustrated that now, if they want stuff, they must go to college. Many of them do not see the cause-effect relationship of intellectual strength and prosperity; rather, higher education and stuff are intangibly related to material wealth. (This lack of recognition seems to be inherent in the majority of 18-year olds, no?) Many of my young male students also suffer loss because they realize that their prior successes in HS, which were, most often, athletic in nature, mean nothing in the world of higher education. They go from being celebrated and recognized in the small world of their high schools, to being just another body in a classroom whom no one knows.
"What I find particularly sad is that the majority of these young men do not realize that they can regain their power and autonomy by investing in themselves intellectually. (However, as any CC prof can affirm, the majority of our 18 and 19 year old students do not understand this.) To see "political correctness" (read: inclusiveness) as the cause of this identity loss in male is nonsense; rather, the changing economy, dependant as it is on the highly technical knowledge that requires at least a four-year degree, is a primary cause for identity loss among many young men, as it is the cause of distress for many Americans in general."
10%
i have dreams lately that i am in strange houses, boats, and other enclosures, and i am moving swiftly through each room with increased excitement and apprehension, because in each room i am discovering something new, but it's not quite what i was looking for, and the search continues.
when i wake up, i'm deeply disappointed that the dream has ended, and i close my eyes, trying to recall the dream-journey clearly enough to keep myself moving to the next room. i know that spending too much time thinking about dreams, waking or otherwise, is bad for the psyche, but i can't help it. it's so exciting, the adventure of the dream world. sometimes i imagine that the doors that i can't open in real life, i can get to in my dreams, and they will be real. is that weird? don't answer that.
the thing is, i can't help believing that even though it's just a dream, what i see is real. what if our understanding of consciousness is completely limited? suppose that the capacity of the brain is such that, if we were able to tap into it, we could see what we imagine is impossible to know?
why only use 10%. that's what i'd like to know.
when i wake up, i'm deeply disappointed that the dream has ended, and i close my eyes, trying to recall the dream-journey clearly enough to keep myself moving to the next room. i know that spending too much time thinking about dreams, waking or otherwise, is bad for the psyche, but i can't help it. it's so exciting, the adventure of the dream world. sometimes i imagine that the doors that i can't open in real life, i can get to in my dreams, and they will be real. is that weird? don't answer that.
the thing is, i can't help believing that even though it's just a dream, what i see is real. what if our understanding of consciousness is completely limited? suppose that the capacity of the brain is such that, if we were able to tap into it, we could see what we imagine is impossible to know?
why only use 10%. that's what i'd like to know.
Friday, May 22, 2009
be kind
this is the best quote from our staff retreat, submitted by sarah:
be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
it is important to practice compassion, when we all have our demons to overcome.
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